Fortune presents gifts not according to the book

There are many things we encounter in life that kindle our fascination but at the same time, can confuse the hell out of us as human beings. As we make our way through life we ultimately find ourselves in situations where we must confront these things. The manner in which we deal with them defines who we are as men. Sometimes I feel like I have so many questions that I will never find the answers to.

Take for example the other day. I decided I wanted to order a new leather harness and some leather arm bands for my boyfriend. Why would I want to do that? Well let's face it, if you're asking that question this is the wrong Internet destination for you. A man in a leather harness and arm bands is hot especially when viewed from below, when you are on your back and he's standing over you, preparing to fuck the hell out of you.

The Cub can wear the harness as well. If I'm on my hands and knees, taking it from behind, my boyfriend can hold onto the harness and keep me in the position that best allows him to use his boy's fuckhole as he pleases.

Anyhow, I was going to order the harness and they needed all these measurements and I just didn't understand why. I mean how many sizes of harnesses do they make? Who the hell has a tailor's measuring tape? Just because we're gay doesn't mean we are all seamstresses for Christ Sakes.

And speaking of Christ, religion is another issue that I always find myself conflicted with. I don't really practice any religion right now even though I was raised going to church every week. It's problematic for me to accept any religion now because so many of them are so anti-gay. Religion played such a big part in my early years and now it plays no part in my life and sometimes I'm unsure how to reconcile that. I find hope in the thought that I just haven't found the right religion for me yet. There are some I don't know a lot about. Perhaps Kabbalah would be an option for me, after all it seemed to work out for Madonna.

Another thing I am fascinated with is gay porn. I can state unequivocally that The Cub loves gay porn. He's not ashamed, He's not an addict and it's not controlling his life. That being said, he also knows the difference between good and bad porn. Let's face it, most porn performers are not actors so there is little chance they can fake physical attraction, but when the guys are totally into each other, you can tell and it's hot.

I have often thought how big of a turn on it would be to do porn. Many times I have jokingly suggested to my boyfriend that we should do porn, because when we fuck it's usually pretty hot so I think there may be some people out there who would be into seeing that.

There are other things that I find exciting and arousing but doing porn is different.

Being on the wrestling team would be exciting for me but I chose not to participate for several reasons. The main one being the difficulty involved in hiding an erection in a singlet and let's face it, if The Cub was on the wrestling team he'd be sportin' wood pretty much around the clock.

Physical exams are exciting as well. A few times I've succeeded and many times I've failed at attempting to get through a hernia and testicular exam without getting a hard-on. For some reason I always end up seeing young male doctors, I'm not sure why that is.

Porn is different because, in that situation it's ok to be excited and turned on, you can put it all out there, so to speak. One of the reasons I like porn is because of all the things you can learn from it and use in your sexplay. All sorts of things like sex talk, different positions to fuck in, different places to fuck, different ways to use furniture. And outside of fucking, watching porn introduced me to all the variations there are and products available for ass play.

As a result my boyfriend and I do get into some ass play and as you would expect, it is The Cub's ass that gets played with.

As far as fist fucking is concerned I'm not sure I could handle it. I guess I'm willing to try anything once but when I see the size of my boyfriend's big masculine man-fist it makes me think it might be too much. I don't think the issue that concerns me is the actual act of getting the fist in my ass. What worries me is that once the fist is in my ass, I would think "Oh my God, there's a fist in my ass" and panic and be unable to relax and get the fist out of my ass. What do you do with a fist stuck in your ass?

One day my boyfriend came home and said he had something for me and he pulls out a string of anal beads. I responded with excitement of course but secretly I was thinking that they looked a little small and couldn't imagine how much pleasure I could get out of them. I figured if it turns him on to make me take them or to watch me put them in my own ass, well then that's cool also. In retrospect, I think he was just being considerate and didn't want to get anything that I couldn't handle. I also think perhaps he was just trying to exhibit some modesty with his manhood, which is sweet. I think he just didn't realize that if I am able to take that huge schlong of his up my ass then I should be able to handle something a little more substantial than pea sized anal beads. So we used them and it was hot but, I have to say the whole thing just left me wanting so much more.

So I did the same thing I have done so many times before when I find myself in this sort of situation. I Headed to my computer and started clicking and about a week later we had some anal balls and just for the fuck of it, some eggs as well.

A few days later in the evening, I had just finished taking a shower and I walked in to the bedroom and my boyfriend was standing there in a towel. I immediately noticed the anal balls, eggs, a black butt plug and a bottle of lube lined up on the dresser adjacent to the end of the bed.

My boyfriend and I have a solid oak, mission spindle bed. It's exactly the type of bed you would expect to be shared by 2 masculine, muscular, semi-hairy men, and where their most primal, testosterone fueled manly urges are satisfied on a regular basis. He said, "Get your ass over the end of that bed". I removed my towel and put it on the wood of the foot board to cushion my stomach. I bent over the end of the bed and laid my head on the goose down comforter. He started working my ass with some lube and his fingers, getting me ready.

For me, anticipation is a big thrill as well, not being able to see what's happening, not knowing what I'm going to get. Will it be the butt plug, the anal balls or the eggs or maybe he's just going to spank my tight little bear ass cherry red. As it turns out, completely unexpectedly he shoved his rock hard cock right into my ass all the way to his balls. I let out a grunt as my sphincter tightened around it. Let me tell you something if you are expecting anal balls and you get cock it can be quite a surprise, it really gets your attention.

"I'm gonna fuck this ass first" he said. I balanced myself over the bed to keep my ass at the perfect height to allow him to give me his cock and loosen me up for what was to follow. He kept pumping my ass hard, the head of his cock was grating over my prostate with every thrust. As I squeezed my ass around his cock, I felt a bead of pre-cum leak out of my piss slit. He pulled his cock out and quickly replaced it with the butt plug, my ass drew it in to the base which he began tapping on with increasing force. He smacked my lube covered ass several times, each time hitting the base of the plug causing more juice to leak out of my cock, enough to lube it up so I could slowly stroke it. "You like that, don't you boy", SMACK. "You're gonna take these balls now". SMACK, "I said, you're gonna take these balls now", "Yes sir" I replied. "That's better boy", "Now give your daddy that plug" I could feel his fingers prying at the base. I pushed and it slid out, slick with lube. I let out a moan as I felt my urethra spasm causing more man juice to leak out of my dick hole.

I felt the first ball against my hole and he started pushing, "come on boy, take it". The first ball popped through my sphincter "Oh yea" my body shook a little. "Four more to go boy" as he continued pushing them in one by one. Each one increasing the sensation of fullness in my ass. I Contracted my groin muscles causing the balls to move back and forth inside of me, increasing the sensation. Once they were all inside I contracted and held them for a little bit. "Oh fuck yea, it feels so fucking good". He tugged on the handle at the end of the shaft and the first ball popped out. "OH Fuck yea". One by one they slid through my manhole, I clenched my groin muscles as I felt the balls still inside slide across my prostate.

He leaned over me and held the eggs in front of my face. "You ready for these boy?", "Yes sir". He lubed up the first egg and pressed it to my fuckhole. As he applied more pressure and as it slid through I groaned and felt my ass being opened wider than I think it's ever been opened before. I reached around and used my index and middle fingers to rub my asshole and ease the introduction of the second egg. I was breathing heavily "Oh man, Oh yea, fuck" as it slipped through my hole. After the third one my face felt flush and beads of perspiration formed on my flesh. The pressure and fullness in my ass felt incredible but I wasn't sure if I could take the last one. I felt hot and my body was covered with sweat. As he push the egg, I rubbed my hole and felt it stretch open. I took a deep breath and relaxed a little bit and took it like a man. I started jerking my rock hard cock as he pulled them out each one stimulating my prostate and stretching my ass. After the third one slid out I was close to cumming. He moved it back and forth stimulating the inside of my ass and I felt my muscles contract around it. "I'm gonna fuckin' cum" Still bent over the end of the bed, I jerked my cock and blew a huge wad on the bed, my stomach and on the towel on the floor under my feet. As soon as I finished milking the last drops from my dick I heard a deep groan from behind me. "Ahh, Ahh, Ahh, Oh Yea" I felt his hot manseed shooting onto my left ass cheek. After he was done giving me is load, I pulled out the fourth egg, as his cum ran down my leg. Getting your ass worked over like that can leave you a little weak in the knees. So we laid down on the bed for a little bit, together, collapsed in a pile of muscle, sweat, cum, lube, hair and sex.

Down in the dark and dirty

I'm lucky in that I have a boyfriend with whom I share not just a similar sense of humor but a similar sexual appetite. Is is incredibly liberating to know your boyfriend isn't going to make you feel self-conscious or inhibited about the fact that you like to be spanked or urinated on or you like prison sex and butt plugs. We have the sort of sexual relationship where probably there is very little that is "out of the question". Throughout our explorations we discovered we are both fascinated with the "dungeon scene". And why shouldn't 2 masculine, muscular, semi-hairy, testosterone filled young stallions like ourselves not be fascinated with dungeon sex.

An integral part of a dungeon scene is of course a sling. I of course own one although it hasn't been used in a while because we do not currently live in a place that is conducive to the dungeon set up.

Sometimes the existence of the sling is difficult for their owners to hide. I remember one time in particular I was getting an erotic massage, with release, from one of my favorite stars of the adult all male cinema and as I lay on his table on my back, above me in the ceiling I noticed 4 metal eye hooks evenly placed in a rectangular format and I couldn't help but to smile because I knew what they were used for.

I think it is important for 2 masculine, leather loving men who are totally into each other and are on the same page when it comes to a little rough play, man to man pigsex, to have real estate which affords separate square footage that can be devoted to a dungeon. My boyfriend and I have been house shopping together and we realize the importance of having a basement just for this purpose. Although a finished basement is the optimum living situation, there can be a separate unfinished space. These are the sorts of things we look for, exposed ceiling beams into which eye hooks can be screwed. It's also worth mentioning that the presence of a tool or woodshed is desirable. If you've been following the postings here you know how this little bear sometimes finds himself there. Even better would be a barn with a hook for a razor strop and with hay bales that a person could be bent over after their bib overalls are unhooked and taken down, but we'll save that for another post.

There are a couple of important pieces of equipment you will need to get your sling operational. The previously mentioned eye hooks, some 3/16 inch link chain and of course some carabiners.

I know these things are usually used by mountain climbers but you would be amazed at how handy they are when you need to raise or lower the level of your sling and attach leg stirrups. Anytime my boyfriend and I see one of these and you see them from time to time because people often use them as key chains and what not, we just smile because we know what else they can be used for.

Once you get your sling up and running I think that the dungeon needs some appropriate music.

Both of these are excellent choices for use in the dungeon. I've found that music which is dark in nature, rhythmic, and has an otherworldly sound works well for the masculine, semi-hairy male when exploring the endless sexual possibilities of the dungeon setting.

As far as dress codes are concerned, with respect to the dungeon, less is more. Dungeon floors can be dirty so Military issue boots work well.

As you can see they look great in the dungeon setting when in action.

My first experience in the sling was exciting but I was also a little nervous. The setting was right and the music was right, I was however, lacking confidence in my by ability to adequately secure the thing to the rafters. In order to allow myself to relax I placed the cushions from my lawn furniture under the sling just in case the thing broke loose. I didn't want to find myself on the floor with a back injury in need of medical care. Don't get me wrong, I likes me an EMT especially one in a navy blue uniform with the pants tucked into the tops of a pair of black Magnum police boots, but I'd rather not meet my EMT in such a state, on my back, on the dirty floor of some basement, unable to move, naked, ass and dick covered in lube, with my booted feet over my head stuck in some stirrups. Anyhow once the proper precautions were put in place to set my mind at ease things got pretty hot. My boyfriend has a pretty high libido, he gets a lot of erections and I can get him hard in a matter of seconds. When his dick is hard, it is perfectly straight and pretty much perpendicular to his body, and this works very well with the sling. As long as you get the height correct so your ass in the sling is at the same level of the penis you can use the swinging action of the sling to do some of the work.

There are many things this little bear likes for his birthday but what he likes the most is some daddy dick. All things considered I suppose there is a real possibility that someday it will be my birthday and I will be waiting for my boyfriend to come home from work so we can celebrate. I'll be all clean and ready to go, when it comes to sex, it doesn't really take a lot to get my boyfriend engaged. When he finally gets home he says, "I brought you a present." "Really what is it" I reply. "Here", and too my surprise what do I see

A couple of LEATHER DADDIES

Jake

and Buck
Well, when I saw my present I practically came in the Bike No. 10 athletic supporter I was wearing. There was little conversation and my boyfriend nodded his head at them and said "Take him downstairs". They came at me and each grabbed me under an arm with their muscular hands and practically lifted me off my feet. They carried me down the steps, their black boots landing with heavy thuds on the wooden stairs. My boyfriend directly behind. They stripped off my clothes and worked over my pecs and ass with their rough hands. All three took turns kissing me with deep, wet open mouths, surrounding me in a circle. A heavy breathing circle of sweaty man flesh and black leather boots, cock rings and harnesses. They forced me down into their circle of manmeat and took turns feeding me their cocks. As I worked their cocks their hands would find their way down my back and tease my hole with a finger or two. Sometimes I would get a smack on the ass or on the back of my shaven head. "Swallow that fuckin' cock boy", "Yea boy, lick my balls" is what I would hear.

Then my boyfriend said "get him in there" and they picked me up and put me in the sling. Each lifted one of my legs and put them in the stirrups. Heavy hands started working my pecs. A hot wet tongue started working my hole and a hard cock was forced into my mouth. They would change places, moving around me like tigers circling their prey. Cock after cock and tongue after tongue "you like that don't you boy". With Jake to my left and Buck to my right my boyfriend stood between my legs, "You 2 watch, I'm gonna show you how to fuck him". He rubbed some lube into my hole and put some onto his cock. I grabbed a hold of the chains behind my head and with little hesitation he stepped forward and shoved it into me. The chains rattled as the sling moved in time with his thrusting, "good boy, take my cock" his hand lands on my ass "smack". I let out a moan as the thrusts continued.

I could feel his heavy balls hitting my ass each time he slammed into me.

I alternated between pinching his nipples and feeling his chest and pinching my own nipples and rubbing my cock. He pushed the sling away from him until his cock was completely out of me and then let it swing back impaling me on his rock hard sword. He kept me swinging back and forth on his cock. I had to stop jerking my cock because I was about ready to shoot but I knew it was too soon for that because I still had a lot of fucking to take.

He nodded to Jake who rolled a condom onto his cock rubbed himself with lube and took my boyfriends place. "Fuck him good." He slid his cock into me and started pumping, his low hangers hitting my ass with each thrust. "Your ass is so fucking tight boy, Yea take your daddies cock." I punched his pectoral and said "yea, fuck me" and he smacked me across the side of my head. Jake pulled out of me and his rock hard, condom covered cock sprung up, pointing to the ceiling. He took a step back and breathed heavily. Buck now took his turn, "I'm gonna fuck that ass good and hard boy" as he pummeled my ass with this cock. My boyfriend stood at my side and kissed me while he rubbed my chest and worked my nipples and cock. He walked back around and nodded to Buck who pulled out of me and came around to my side. My boyfriend said, "you want some more boy?", "yes". His hand smacked my ass, "I didn't hear you boy, I said do you want some more". "Yes sir, fuck me sir."

He slid his cock into me "Stroke your cock boy, I'm gonna fuck the cum out of you" and soon as the speed of his thrusts increased I knew he was about to cum. Jake and Buck on either side of me were jerking their cocks over my chest. My boyfriend grunted and moaned and pulled out of my ass. He stroked his cock and emptied a huge load onto my chest. Buck and Jake started cumming as well and the dungeon was filled with grunting, moaning heavy breathing and manseed. I felt their hot loads landing on me and I closed my eyes and jerked my cock and thought about the flesh and the muscle and the hair and the men and the taste of their mouths and their cocks and all of them taking turns working my ass and "Ohhh fuck yea, fuck ahhh, ahhh." And with that I added a fourth load to the three covering me already. Warm mouths took turns kissing mine and I just relaxed for a bit.

I think the important rule for me is that when it comes to the dungeon scene your boyfriend should always be there to control the situation and make sure things don't get out of hand or dangerous. For me it's also important that if you are letting several guys take turns with you your boyfriend should always be the first one in and the last one out.

Face down in lockdown

I've never been in prison but I do have some very specific ideas about the sort of things that might go on after lights out in a cell block full of masculine virile tattooed men. I imagine that in prison, days are spent weightlifting and exercising in the prison gym and inmates are free to observe the growing muscles on themselves as well as on the other masculine, tattooed inmates. They are free to observe the increasing muscularity of the male bodies as they are being washed of their sweat in the gang showers. After a few days of this sort of activity the most basic animalistic urges will certainly take over a young testosterone filled male prison inmate. I don't think any of this goes unnoticed by the prison guards either, after all their job is to keep an eye on the inmates. I'm positive that after performing a couple of strip searches and body cavity searches the pent up desires of the guards are just as caged and volatile as the inmates.

Prison sex has always been a big turn on for my boyfriend and I so the prison scene is a scenario we occasionally spend some time on. It usually progresses as follows. After lights out inmates are required to be in their cells, in bed, naked and on their stomachs. These are the rules of the prison and it's better for the inmate to not break the rules, especially when the guard that works your cell block is hung like a bull. While laying there in the darkness I hear his boots scraping on the cement floor and his nightstick tapping the metal bars of cell gates. (And what I mean here is his socks on the carpet and the sound of the door to the "cell" being opened. And what I mean by "cell" is our bedroom with its huge walk in closet, balcony and cathedral ceiling)

Anyhow, the guard stops outside my cell and I know I better not move or try to look. I hear the keys in the lock and the gate being opened and I begin to prepare myself for what is going to happen. After he locks the gate behind him I hear him undressing, unbuckling his belt and removing it from the pants of his skin tight navy blue uniform. I hear him untying and removing his military issue boots. Then I feel him get on the bed between my legs. His knees spread my legs apart as he moves up the bed between them. He takes a pillow in one muscular hand and taps my hips with the other. I raise my hips off the bed and he places the pillow under me to ensure the right angle for maximum penetration. He slowly lowers himself on top of me and I feel the heat of his rock hard penis between the top of my ass and on the small of my back. His huge testicles rest down lower on my ass. I feel the warmth of the hard muscles and soft hair of his chest resting on my back. He pins my arms to the bed and places the rough scruff of his chin next to my neck and his mouth is right next to my ear. I can feel the heat of his breath and the smell of beer that lingers on it. He whispers into my ear, "I've been watching you boy, and I've been waiting all day for this, I'm going to fuck you good and hard now and I want you to keep quiet." His hand reaches around and he pushes a jockstrap warm and damp with his sweat and musk into my mouth. (I don't know if prison guards normally wear jockstraps on the job, but in our prison they do)

He lifts himself off of me and moves down my body, his knees open my legs up further. I feel his hands spreading my ass and the heat of his breath and the scruff of his chin on the tender flesh on my anus. His tongue slides up and down across my anus and then down to my scrotum and back to my anus. He tries to bury his tongue as deeply as he can, tasting and collecting the scent like any wild animal would do to his mate just before he mounts him. As he continues I let out a muffled moan. He spits into my ass and then rises up onto his knees. I hear him spit into his hand and then the sound of him rubbing his penis. He then lowers himself on top of me, his hard muscular thighs pin my legs to the mattress and his feet lock around my ankles to keep my legs spread as far as he wants them. The head of his penis pushes at my anus and it is so hard he does not need to guide it in. He lowers himself on top of me, his face next to my ear as he pushes himself into me. He whispers in my ear, "open up that ass boy". I bite down on the jockstrap and he slides into me the whole way. He stays still for a moment exhaling a groan of hot breath onto my neck. I feel the weight of his testicles and the smooth shaved skin of his scrotum resting on top of my own. I feel the warm leather of his cock ring pressing the tender flesh of my anus. He pulls out of me partially and I feel the sweaty skin of his scrotum which has adhered to mine peel away from mine. He slides back into me and begins to build a rhythm, the weight of his muscled body on top of mine. He whispers into my ear "take my dick boy, this ass is all mine and you better have it ready for me whenever I want it".

He lifts his chest off of my back and supports himself on his arms. His thighs keep my legs spread and pinned to the bed. In this position he has the leverage and control to fuck me harder and faster and he does not waste the opportunity. I bite down on the jockstrap and let out a few muffled whimpers. Every few thrusts he pulls out of me completely and then drives back in the full length of his shaft. As he rhythmically thrusts into me I can feel the wetness of pre-ejaculate leaking from my penis, I am unable to reach under to touch my cock, when I try to he grabs my arm away and gives my ass a stinging smack with the back of his big muscular hand. He says "you're not gonna cum until I'm done with you boy" This is about his gratification not mine. I would not have thought it was possible but angering him caused me to get a harder and rougher fucking than I had gotten up to that point.

Soon I could tell by the deepening of his breath, the steady rhythm of his cock pumping my ass and his moaning he was close. He lowered his full weight back on top of me and locked his arms around mine. His mouth was next to my ear as he began to exhale heavy groans through tightly clenched teeth. I felt his body spasm and contract on mine. His heavy testicles contracted and pulled away from mine as he marked his territory inside of me. He collapsed completely on top of me the weight of his muscled frame making it hard for me to breathe, our flesh glued together with sweat, his cheek next to mine he whispered in my ear "good boy".

In the prison scenario the guard would climb off the inmate and say "now clean yourself up" so this is where our prison sex ends. One of the best things about having a hot, muscular, inshape, semi-hairy boyfreind is that he cares about your satisfaction as well. So he lets the inmate roll over on his back and cradles the inmates head in one arm and kisses him. The guard uses his other hand to stimulate the the inmates balls and ass, you know, whatever it takes to help get the inmate off and this usually happens pretty quickly. Afterward the the inmate and the guard clean themselves up together.

It was the half-nelson that did me in

I tend to watch football on a pretty regular basis during football season. I enjoy the game, I also enjoy watching men in tight football pants. While I'm watching them run up and down the field I can't help but to think about how at some point both before and after these proceedings there is a locker room and jockstraps and muscles and hair and nudity and sweat and showers and all of that testosterone fueled male bonding. Probably some towel snapping, some wrestling, talking about each others dicks and balls. Then of course there is the whole pre-season thing with the entire team getting a required complete physical examination from the team physician, oh to be a fly on the wall in that exam room, or to be the physician. It almost makes me wish I went to to medical school after all. These thoughts make me happy and make me realize how happy I am to be a man, they make me even happier to be a gay man. I find the nature of the males need to compete against one another and to determine a victor through domination (like that's not hot) to be as exciting as the uniforms they choose to wear when they have their competitions.



Take for example the wrestling singlet. It is probably the most exciting of the sports uniforms. I've always found the "wrestler" to be a huge turn on. There is just something very exciting and arousing about guys who want to strip down to what amounts to nothing more than their underwear and try to pin each other on a mat. I do have to say the wrestling singlet is much more intriguing than underwear though. My boyfriend and I own several wrestling singlets and sometimes when we have guests over we often bring up the subject of wrestling singlets in an attempt to see if the guest is as fascinated with wearing one as we are. You probably wouldn't be surprised to find how many want to put one on, even if it's someone you just met. The wrestling match is something I've studied intensively and can give an accurate analysis of.




The wresting match starts out like this, with the competitor in a position that indicates he is receptive to his challenger.






















And then after some interaction domination occurs and victory is imminent (as is satisfaction, it would appear).












Usually after the match the competitors partially remove their singlets as this allows much needed oxygen to permeate the smooth muscled flesh. At times as you can see injuries obtained in battle need to be treated.

And at times the agony of defeat is too much for the competitor to handle and some comfort needs to be given. I think at some point all little bear cubs need to be held and comforted.

In the winter months where I live one of the local cable television stations broadcasts college wrestling on Saturday evenings. I happened to come across this on one particular Saturday night. Of course I was mesmerized and given the choice of Trading Spaces or college wrestling I was sticking with the wrestling. Not long afterwards my boyfriend came home and took one look at the television and said what are you watching? It didn't take long for him to get engaged in this as well. Somewhere around the 170 and 185 weight matches (this would be our weight class) the lube came out and our pants found their way around our ankles. What could be cooler than a Saturday night at home with your boyfriend laying back of the couch and stroking your dick. Given the situation it didn't take long for both of us to each shoot a nice big load on our stomachs.

Occasionally my boyfriend and I go to the beach and throw the football back and forth because that's what men do sometimes. I bought my boyfriend his first wrestling singlet and he bought me my first pair of football pants cause that's just the sort of relationship we have. At some point we will have our own wresling match. I can guarantee you I will lose beacause I'm not a good wrestler and besides you know how it goes, the loser has to submit and "give it up" to the winner.

It's a black & white world and clothes make the man!

Even though I wouldn't trade being gay for anythng in the world, sometimes I feel like such a tool when I get caught up in "all things gay". Take for example my reaction when I saw this in one of my periodicals.

Well, my first reaction was, honey, I have to have it. So I grabbed my credit card and a couple of clicks later my order was confirmed. One for me and one for my boyfriend because you know, that's hot. A week or so later there was a note on my door to inform me that the USPS tried to deliver a package and I needed to sign for it and I was not there so I had to go to the post office to claim it.

I just assumed it was one of those FedEx envelopes from Capital One (the banking Nazi's) trying to sell me a mortgage and I was ready to throw the notice away and ignore the whole thing. Upon a closer look I noticed through the Physician-like chicken scratch of the postal agent, the sender's name appeared to be French (Postale if that appears French). So I started thinking, what would I be getting in the mail from someplace French? Then it hit me, the lace up Jockstraps I ordered were from a Canadian retailer.

Well, I was at the post office as soon as they opened the next morning, and they open at 4am. I got my parcel and hightailed it back to my luxury SUV with black leather interior. Of course I couldn't wait for the 10 minutes it would have taken me to get home and opened the package right there. And to my initial dismay, what did I find?

Black lace-up jock straps. How did this happen? I was so distracted by the visuals that I somehow screwed up the order and I ordered black instead of white. And don't get me wrong I don't dislike black in any way, I do own several other black jockstraps, I was just dissappointed because it wasn't what I was expecting.

As soon as I got home I started searching for another place to buy the white lace up jockstraps because I figured when it comes to lace-up jockstraps there is no law, as far as I know, that puts a limit on the number of lace-up jockstraps two good-looking, inshape, masculine, semi-hairy, well hung male lovers can own and walk around the house in.

A credit card and a couple of clicks later I had order confirmation. This time from and American retailer so hopefully I would avoid the whole post office thing. The next day I get an e-mail informing me that the items in my order are backordered and I am given a shipping date when they will be in-stock. Well weeks come and go and no white lace-up jockstraps appear at my door. I send an e-mail inquiry to customer service and get no response. So the next day, today, I call customer service. Someone named Nancy or Mary, I can't recall exactly, answered and she was very friendly and I gave her my order number. She said "oh yes the white lace-up jockstraps, they've been backordered from the supplier in Canada and I see they were shipped from the supplier so we should be getting them probably by Monday and we will get them out to you as soon as possible." I felt a bit of relief that I didn't screw up another order when she said "white" and I trusted that she was being honest when she told me I'd have my jockstraps soon.

Hold your water young man!!!

At some point in every relationship the topic of water sports comes up, well maybe not in every relationship but it did in mine and that's all that matters. One Saturday night, my boyfriend and I decided we were both up for a some golden showering. It was Saturday night and we had just gotten a case of Samuel Adams Winter Lager, our favorite beer, so the opportunity was upon us.

Our condo is on the second floor and we have a really good realationship with our downstairs neighbor. We get along with her very well and she always tells us she doesn't know what she will do if we move out and she has to deal with new neighbors. That makes me feel good, it makes me feel wanted and I like that. The fact is though, we can't stay here forever. 2 masculine, burly, semi-hairy men need space and land, a place to furrow and plant their seed. A place where testosterone can be emitted, unencumbered and in massive quantities. And by that I mean a pre-planned, custom-built community of 3,400 square foot luxury carriage homes managed by a homeowners association where once a week from the beginning of March to the end of November several 20-25 year old strapping, white trash males with crew-cuts, tattoos and tight asses come and mow the lawn and do some landscaping.

Anyhow, we had a couple of beers and then took a walk to take the trash and recycling to the dumpster and recycling bins. We each took a beer with us because it made us feel like we were in Vegas, walking to the garbage dumpster while drinking a beer. On the way back we stopped at our downstairs neighbor's because I noticed the lights were on and I had some things I had gotten for her that I wanted to drop off. She had some friends over for drinks and dinner and she introduced us and invited us in. With beers in hand we kindly declined and said we had to get back upstairs. My true thought though was, "sorry we can't stay my boyfriend has a full bladder".

Once upstairs, doors locked and naked, I laid back in the Jacuzzi tub and he stood over me and let loose. It was warm and it felt good on my chest and legs and face washing over me like a baptism. Perhaps, the baptism I would have wanted if I were given the choice at 2 weeks old. I opened my mouth and the taste was different than what I would have expected, salty but more potassium than sodium. It was not at all unappealing and what I couldn't help wondering was if the taste altered based on dietary intake. My boyfriend said "don't swallow it", which I had no intention of doing but the guidance the statement implied is exactly what you should expect from your boyfriend in a situation as this. I think what I found most exciting was the fact that I have a boyfriend who has no problem peeing on me if I ask him to and who thinks it's hot if I pee on him too.