Lube and Cheez-Its

I was never a big fan of Cheez-Its, the taste always kind of reminded me of Fritos which I never really liked because to me, they just tasted burnt. Mind you, both were adequate to satiate the post bong munchies but, you know, that was a long time ago. I love my boyfriend and my boyfriend loves Cheez-Its so they have a place in my life and my pantry. On one occasion I was sitting at my desk working and I happened to feel something under my desk with my foot. And I thought, oh God what could that be under my desk and I have to admit I was a little afraid to just blindly stick my hand under there to retrieve whatever it was. It turns out that it was a Cheez-It under my desk and discovering this brought a smile to my face because I knew where it came from.

My boyfriend and I sometimes have a habit of getting things on the floor and one time solving the problem wasn't as easy as sticking your hand under a desk.

One of the great things about being a gay man and living with your boyfriend is that you can have sex whenever you want to. Whether it be during a Project Runway commercial break or on the couch on a Saturday night with college wrestling on TV, it really makes no difference, it's all good.

I just have one word of caution, you have to be careful what you get on the floor. One night in the kitchen things started cooking; you know a little "you like that boy?", "yes sir I do!". "You want me to give it to you boy", "Yes sir, please give it to me anyway you want". So out comes the silicone based lubricant, because you know you have to have silicone based lubricant.

Anyhow, being bent over the sink is hot especially by a pretty masculine and controlling top, you know, you feel compelled to just do what you're told and take it. So the fact that the whole time I was taking it the silicone lubricant was getting on the floor didn't really mean a whole lot to me as my mind was on other things.

Well, you know how sometimes things are really hot, but then when you are done it doesn't seem so hot and you fear you might have regrets? Like if you and your boyfriend have a 3-way with a guy you met online who doesn't turn out to be as hot as you thought he would be (please like this hasn't happened to you). The kitchen sink scene was hot it was actually video worthy but you know there was an epilogue, something you would never see in a video. Silicone based lubricant on linoleum flooring creates a surface I can only describe as walking on ice, covered with metal ballbearings wearing a pair of 5 inch wedge espadrilles made out of banana peels. Not that I would know about that. And let me tell you, scrubbing and mopping doesn't work.

For the next few days anytime one of us would walk through the kitchen you would hear a "WHOA JESUS I ALMOST FELL". We finally put a rug over it because regardless of how quickly and easily I bend over, my back goes out very easily.

It took several weeks until the situation finally resolved itself and it left me with many things to ponder. The most important of which is as follows: I'm a big fan of the show CSI and I can't help but to think that if a CSI ever came to our house and turned on that Ultra-Violet light they use to lluminate bodily secretions and stuff like that, this place would light up like the Forbidden City on Chinese New Year.